One-hundred-and-twenty-eight-years-old and still doing new tricks: America’s oldest popular stock index, the Dow Jones Industrial Average, hit a record high yesterday morning when it traded above 40,000, reflecting renewed hope for the market’s health after Wednesday’s promising inflation report.

What a rally: Despite fears of a recession that still hasn’t happened, the Dow has risen 40% from its post-pandemic low in September 2022 and is up ~6% this year.

Out of the 30 blue chip stocks included in the Dow, Goldman Sachs added the most points (a weighted measure of stock value) to the index since it crossed 30k in November 2020, while 3M subtracted the most points.

Why the Dow’s new record matters

Though it’s commonly considered to be an outdated measure of market health compared with the S&P 500, the Dow’s rally still reflects investor optimism about the US economy’s post-pandemic resurgence, which is marked by more jobs, continued consumer spending, and slightly cooling inflation (finally).

When the Dow does well, it tends to give people that warm, fuzzy feeling that maybe everything isn’t crashing and burning, if 30 of the biggest companies in the world are, on average, making gains.

And it’s not just the Dow. The S&P 500 and Nasdaq also hit new highs after the latest inflation numbers came out, further extending the positive vibes spurred on by what one private wealth executive called “the first good CPI report in four months,” CNN reported.

Down on Capitol Hill…President Joe Biden touted the Dow’s gains on X to try and bridge the gap between the public’s perception of how the economy is doing vs. how it’s actually doing. Fueled by inflation’s impact on consumer prices, many Americans believe things are getting worse, and some even think the US is in a recession (it’s not), according to recent CNN polls.—ML

What happens when 10 volunteers stick their arms into a cage full of mosquitos? Or a snowblower gobbles up 20 lbs of sawdust? That’s all in a day’s work at Consumer Reports’ headquarters, where they push the limits of product testing.

Their labs are packed with premium product-testing machines, like a custom 300-pound roller that moves across a mattress 30,000x to simulate eight years of use.

If you’re shopping for something to go in your house, driveway, or outdoor space, Consumer Reports probably tested it. So before you make that new purchase, check with Consumer Reports.

For just $3.25 per month, you could save hundreds or thousands of dollars a year.

SCOTUS said the CFPB’s funding is constitutional. In a 7 to 2 vote, the Supreme Court rejected a conservative challenge to the funding structure of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, saying they’re cool with the current system of the Federal Reserve bankrolling the watchdog. The decision overturned the ruling of a lower court that had argued the CFPB’s funding was unconstitutional because it didn’t come from Congress. It’s a big win for the Biden administration, which has used the CFPB to enact parts of its economic agenda, like the crackdown on junk fees. Had the court’s ruling gone the other way, the CFPB may have been rendered powerless.

TikTok is testing 60-minute videos. Some users in select markets can now upload 60-minute TikToks, TechCrunch reported. The test marks a massive shift from the platform’s original setup of 15-second videos and puts its status as a short-form video app into question. But, as TechCrunch notes, TikTok has been slowly allowing longer and longer videos in an effort to better compete with YouTube and give creators more opportunities to…be creative. The new 60-minute limit could also allow for more full episodes of TV shows to appear in your TikTok feeds.

The US military’s Gaza pier is complete and ready to receive aid. The floating pier off the coast of the Gaza Strip has been fully installed, US officials said, about two months after President Biden ordered it to be built to boost efforts to get humanitarian aid into Gaza amid the Israel-Hamas war. The Associated Press reported that the port, which cost $320 million to build, will funnel as much as 500 tons of aid into Gaza within days. The US said it is coordinating with Israel on protecting the port after it came under mortar fire during its construction.

You really can be too smart for your own good. Yesterday, the DOJ indicted two brothers, both MIT grads, for allegedly stealing $25 million of cryptocurrency in a 12-second heist last year.

The crypto bros’ crime was the first of its kind, making it one of the most innovative financial crimes since George Clooney robbed the Bellagio. They’re charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and money laundering and face 20 years in prison if found guilty.

How’d they do it? James and Anton Peraire-Bueno, who studied math and computer science in college, allegedly found a point of vulnerability in Ethereum: the time between when a crypto transaction is posted and when it's added to the blockchain. Prosecutors said they redirected pending transactions to steal $25 million before filing it away via shell companies to hide their tracks.

Talk about timing…The indictment comes as the Securities and Exchange Commission decides whether to approve an ethereum ETF. The prosecutor said the alleged crime “calls the very integrity of the blockchain into question.” It could impact the SEC’s decision…especially considering that SEC chair, noted crypto skeptic Gary Gensler, previously expressed concerns about blockchain’s ability to protect investors.—CC

Automate or fail. The $1t fast-food industry is in trouble. A 3m-person labor shortage. $20/hour minimum wages. That’s why top brands like White Castle automate with Miso Robotics, which can boost profits by $20k/month per store. A market and solution so big that $3.5b in revenue could be conservative. 34k+ investors already see Miso’s potential. Invest before Miso cooks your next meal.

Wayfair, a main character of the pandemic e-commerce boom, is opening its first physical, large-format store next week in Wilmette, IL, a suburb north of Chicago.

The store will be 150,000 square feet with two floors of dining room displays, faucet forests, mattress-matching quizzes, and even a cafe called “The Porch.” It will also offer custom cabinets and a “gallery wall creator” for anyone who gets stressed trying to fill up their beige walls.

Don’t call it an Ikea clone. For one thing, they haven’t announced if they’re selling meatballs or not. Plus, CEO Niraj Shah noted in the past that Wayfair is wary of opening up too many physical stores too quickly.

Big picture: The Boston-based furniture retailer saw net revenue peak at nearly $14 billion in 2020, as workers bought office furniture and upgraded their living spaces in the early days of WFH. But consumers never wanted to totally ditch IRL shopping, especially for large-ticket items. Last year, nearly 85% of retail purchases happened in-person, according to Census data. Shoppers’ desire to touch a bed before buying it showed when Wayfair’s revenue dropped to $12 billion last year.—MM

Quote: “The best way to defeat our enemy is to know our enemy.”

Look out Sun Tzu, New York City Mayor Eric Adams fashions himself a military strategist. His target? Rats. The city announced yesterday that it will host the first national Rat Summit in September, convening experts from across the US to share best practices on how to vanquish the pesky rodents. New York is the third rattiest city in the country, according to pest control company Orkin, although Adams says rat sightings are down 14% this year. Perhaps the mayor will know his enemy even more intimately after consulting the rat braintrust this fall.

Stat: Kids officially cost more than a house. That’s according to a report in Bloomberg citing new research from the nonprofit Child Care Aware of America, which found the price of care for two kids has surpassed rent payments by 25% in every state—and is more than double in eight states and DC. Per the report, a married couple spends 10% of their income on child care, well above the government’s 7% recommendation. And the average child costs their parents ~$11.6k per year, up 3.7% from last year. Lack of access to affordable care is a major culprit, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said in a January speech.

Read: How the Paramount takeover could reshape Hollywood. (Financial Times)

The feeling of getting a 5/5 on the Brew’s Weekly News Quiz has been compared to beating Google Maps’s ETA.

It’s that satisfying. Ace the quiz.